A Beautiful Prayer

My friend Melissa Dalton-Bradford, daughter of my good viola friends the Daltons, is a wonderful woman who is a political activist (MWEG = Mormon Women for Ethical Government), author, and one of the founders of Their Story is Our Story, an effort that works closely with refugee communities in Europe--Melissa lives in Frankfurt.

Melissa is a wonderful woman in so many ways. Having lived in many countries, she truly loves the world and the people in it. Having lost a child, she understands grief and loss very deeply. As a writer, she is wonderfully expressive.

Today, she posted this on Facebook, and I want to "keep" it because it is so beautiful and moving.

Recently ——this Tuesday at 9:30 a.m., to be precise—I was moved to tears by a stranger's words. Let me share the story:

(Whether you're a member of my religion, of another faith, religious or nonreligious, I believe this moment might hold meaning for you.)

I was in the nearby (Friedrichsdorf, Germany) temple of my faith. This building, which is not used as are our meeting houses for Sunday and other public gatherings, but is reserved for sacred nonpublic rites, is operated by volunteers, many of whom are retired, German-speaking locals.

One of the forms of worship these temple volunteers help with is a central feature of temple worship: communal prayer. A favorite moment of my temple attendance is, in fact, following along with a designated volunteer who leads in prayer, to which I add my voice. It is an unscripted, spontaneous expression of concern for our fellow humans, a chance for ego-emptying, a chance to commit ourselves first in word then in action to serving others.

Countless times in LDS temples all across the globe I've been part of such communal prayer circles. I've heard prayers in multiple languages—Swedish, Tagalog, Dutch, Spanish, French, Mandarin, Italian, Cantonese— spoken for innumerable causes both specific and general: for the youth of the world, for families of every corner of the planet, for the aged and lonely, the young and anxious, for leaders of faiths and heads of state, for victims of natural disasters, wars, epidemics, terrorist attacks, mass shootings.

Yes, and we sometimes pray for ourselves.

But most often, we pray for strangers.

In all these years, in all these moments of prayer for strangers—and at a time when the world's many governments are battling with and batting around issues regarding "strangers" entering into our lands — in all these 35+ years I have never heard what I was going to hear on Tuesday morning right here in central Europe. Right here at the heart of what some call a "refugee crisis".

Kneeling, the white-haired German volunteer led us in prayer. His words were all soft-edged and diffused like the blush and peach of a sunrise when those tones spread across a horizon. As the words rose, his head remained bowed:

"Father, there are so many of Thy children who are fleeing right now.
So many are in great need, without shelter, food, safety.
They are in the most miserable circumstances, in danger, losing hope.
So many of their families are separated, so many children are in perilous situations.
Place help on all sides, Father—angels, people—to comfort, serve, and protect them.
Let us give them hope."

A half hour later, still wiping tears where I sat in my parked car, I tapped out on my phone everything I had heard and as closely as my memory served me.

God bless that man who prayed.
God bless all those who act.
God bless all refugees.

Yes, Your Highness

Today Nancy posted this story about her youngest children:

"A few weeks ago, Zoë had Alexander addressing her as "Mommy" and me as "Auntie." FOR DAYS. I could not get him to stop.

Now she has him addressing her formally as "Diana, Princess of the Everest," because she's...not great...at mythology or geography. And he's correcting everyone who dares call her merely Zoë. But at least I'm back to being Mommy again.

He will, in short, do WHATEVER she says with all the passion of his little heart."

And I totally understood where Alexander was coming from, because when I was 2 and Arlene was 4, and ever after for a very long time, that was exactly what our relationship was like. She would tell me what to do or say, and I would do or say it. With all the passion of my little heart.

Because if I didn't, there were repercussions--

She would say, "Myrna, go get me a piece of bread." And I would do it.

She would say, "Myrna, go get me a drink of water." And I would do it.

But by the time I was about 4, I would say, "No, I don't have to. Get your own bread."

And she would say, "Myrna--I said--go get me a piece of bread." And she would give me that look. You know the look. And I would go and get the bread.

Then would come a day when I would stand my ground and insist on not doing what she said, and then she would be mad at me, and that was a terrible punishment! I couldn't stand to have her mad at me!

So I would say, "I'm sorry I didn't get your bread. Please forgive me." And she would give another one of her looks and say, "Well, if you go and get my sweater, then I might forgive you."

And I would run and get her sweater, and give it to her. And she would say, "Thank you," And I would say, "Do you forgive me now?" And she would say (regally) "I will if you will get down on your knees and say, "I am sorry, dear sister Arlene."

And I would do it. And she would say, "That isn't good enough. Try again."

And I would get back on my knees and say it again, with more feeling. And she would say, "You need to go lower."

So I would bow down lower, while on my knees, and say with much, heartfelt emotion, "I am sorry, dear sister Arlene." 

And she would say, "You need to say "dear sweet kind sister Arlene."

And so I would kneel and bow and say with deep feeling, "I am sorry, dear sweet kind sister Arlene."

I am sure this was fabulously amusing to her, and would keep both of us entertained for a long time as she would make me add "Please forgive me with sugar on top" and "Please please forgive me with honey and sugar on top" until in the end, I would be on both my hands and knees, practically prostrate on the floor, with tears streaming down my cheeks, saying "I am sorry, dear sweet kind princess sister Arlene, please forgive me with sugar and honey and everything nice on top."

And then she would give me a look, and say, "I guess I will forgive you...this time."

And all because I did not go and get her a piece of bread when she commanded it!

Yes, I understand Alex. Josie does not. She never had a sister two years older, and her much older sisters never felt the need to give royal commands to her. But Josie cannot imagine following them if they were given. She would just think (or say) "This is dumb." And not do it.

But I did not think that any of Arlene's suggestions were dumb. I worshipped the ground she walked on, and therefore, she had a lot of fun watching me grovel!

A boatload of things

First boatload: Today I got a heads-up call from the Interlibrary Loan Department because someone had, over the weekend, asked for more than a hundred pieces of oboe music!!!!

In our library, because the cost of getting an item via interlibrary loan is about the same as purchasing a music score, all the score requests are routed to me for consideration to purchase. And I usually buy them if they are available and not insanely expensive. But, in the about 15 years that I have been doing this, I have NEVER had more requests than about 20 a week. Like, 20 is unusual. It is usually more like 5-10 per week, usually.

When I opened the ILL program -- I had 161 requests waiting!!!!!!!!!

6 were the normal what you would expect over the weekend. The other 155 were all oboe music from the same person!! Holy cow!! I will not finish them in a day.

Second boatload: on my ten minute break, to procrastinate looking for that other boatload of oboe music, I will take up Susanne's challenge:

50 Questions You May Have Never Been Asked:

1. First thing you wash in the shower? arms - the same as Susanne

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? I do not like hoodies, and therefore I do not have a favorite.

3. Do you plan outfits? hahahaha!! Or as they say in Thailand 555555 (5 = ha in Thai)

4. How are you feeling right now? overwhelmed with requests for oboe music!!!!

5. What's the closest thing to you that's red? a VHS tape that is in a pile waiting to be taken away--I am moving the VHS tapes out of the library because they are so rarely used these days.

6. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? This morning, I think my mom and dad were in my dream!! Details are fuzzy, but they were there, and it was so nice to see them!! I never dream about them, and my sister often does, so I was feeling jealous, and they made a brief appearance!

7. Did someone disappoint you today? not yet...but it is only noon, so there is still time!

8. What are you craving right now? I am so hungry!! Food!!

9. What comes to mind when you think of cabbage? I thought of the ornamental type which is pretty to look at, and then the Cabbage Patch Dolls.

10. Have you ever counted to 1,000? No. Not forwards, but backwards, by threes, while trying to put myself to sleep, and it worked, so I never got to the end.

11. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick? lick

12. Do you like your hair? I honestly don't think about it unless I look in the mirror, and then it is "Oh, it is not bad today" or "Oh, bad hair day."

13. Do you like yourself? usually, but sometimes I really disappoint myself.

14. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? No. Why would I do that?

15. What are you listening to right now? nothing, but I think I will change that. I can hear the HVAC in the building making noise.

16. Were your parents strict? Well, I was the youngest child. And it has been my experience that parents (ncluding me) get less strict as time goes by.

17. Would you go sky diving? Never ever. I have no desire.

18. Do you like cottage cheese? sometimes - it is really good in my pistachio pudding salad.

19. Have you ever met a celebrity? Well, depends on how famous you mean. In the viola world, I have met probably everyone, and some  of them are pretty famous for sure. At least, in the classical music world. Also, I guess Grant is (was) a celebrity, and we all for sure knew him! And then there are the Osmonds and the Engemanns. So, I guess Alan Osmond was pretty famous when he was an Osmond brother, but I just met him as Michael's dad and Sarah's grandpa when Bruce and I went to watch Sarah in "Wait until Dark." And I guess Shawn (Engemann) King and her son Cannon are pretty famous at least because of their husband and dad, Larry King, but to me Shawn is just Ryan's sister and Cannon is just Hayden's cousin, and he used to come to our Primary class pretty often when the Kings were in town.

20. Do you rent movies often? Nope--we just use the free ones on Amazon Prime.

21. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? I guess the silver discs on the tambourine would count as sparkly. At least shiny.

22. Have you made a prank phone call? years ago - in high school. Cell phones have kind of ruined that! My cousin Margaret and I made a prank call to the boy I liked in high school, but it didn't work because of Margaret's accent! The boy said, "Margaret, is that you?!" We lost our nerve after that.

23. Ever been on a train? yes!! In Europe--taken several trains in Italy. Also the train in Atlanta.

24. Brown or white eggs? I don't care. I only care about the insides. If I was doing Psanky, like Josie, then I would care more.

25. Do you use chap stick? No. I hate how it feels on my lips. When I was a kid, I would chew it off, and my lips would be worse. So nope. I just put lotion on my lips if they are dry. Skin is skin.

26. Can you use chop sticks? I have tried and failed!! Our exchange student, Akiko, taught our kids how, so they can all do it. Even Josie, who was born AFTER Akiko, and they never met, can use chopsticks because of Akiko. Because Nancy taught her. In fact, Josie ate noodles with chopsticks first, from the get-go. As soon as she had the manual dexterity to feed herself, Nancy handed her chopsticks, and away she went.

27. Are you too forgiving? I don't know--you might have to ask the forgiven--was I harsh, or just right, or a total sucker?

28. Ever been in love? yes

29. Last time you cried? I can't remember! So it must have been a day or two...

30. What was the last question you asked? I don't know! I can't remember this either.

31. Favorite time of the year? summer for sure!

32. Do you have any tattoos? No. I don't like tattoos at all. It is their permanence that bothers me. I like to change up the art around me; I like to change my clothes. Why would I want to have always the same things tattooed on me? Henna I can get behind, and temporary tattoos. But permanent ones? No thanks.

33. Are you sarcastic? Yes, sometimes. Hopefully not in a bad way.

34. Ever walked into a wall? yes - so often!!

35. Favorite color? pink or blue. Pastels.

36. Have you ever slapped someone? yes - I slapped Charles Craddock in Grade 7. And not hard enough, either, because it just made him laugh. And I didn't want that reaction. I wanted him mad or at least embarrassed. He was such a nightmare to me. He sat behind me and his locker was beside mine, and he was awful.

37. Is your hair curly? Straight as can be.

38. What physical characteristics do you first notice about someone? face especially smile (or lack of one) - my answer is the same as Susanne's.

39. What was your first vehicle? It was a red Datsun pick up. And then a Chevy Citation.

40. What kind of vehicle do you drive? KIA Spectra

41. Do you sleep with the TV on? Oh, how I hate the sounds of the TV. I never sleep with it on. Or sleep around it.

42. Can you handle the truth? Yes? I try to be as truthful as possible, even when facing it is hard.

43. Do you have good vision? I have had bad eyes since I was in Grade Four. Well, probably before then. That was just when we realized it. I am totally blind. I often say, "Don't let the glasses fool you. I still can't see details."

44. What is your favorite vacation destination? Anywhere with a beach. I loved the beach in North Carolina. I love the beach in San Diego. Even in winter in Australia, the beach was a big draw to me.

45. Do you have any pets? not willingly. We have Cleo the kitty cat for Josie, but I prefer not to have an animal in the house. I am too much of a farmer's daughter. There are animals, and there are people, and some belong in the barn, and some belong in the house. (Unless there is an emergency, like a freezing calf, or a cat with a broken leg.)

46. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1, and sometimes that is too many.

47. Do you enjoy roller coasters? Absolutely hate them and all rides because I get really bad motion sickness, and they just are not worth it.

48. Do you believe in miracles? yes (same as Susanne)

49. What is your favorite drink? water (same as Susanne)

50. What color is the shirt you are wearing? black

I'm a dreamer

Even though I knew that Patrick was safely in his hotel room at 5 AM this morning, I woke up worried. I did what I usually do when I wake up worried--I prayed. Not just for Patrick, but for all my children. I go through the list. And then I told myself, he is safe, and you have done all you can do (which is pray) so go back to sleep! You are tired!

So I went back to sleep, and had an unsettling dream. I was at some music event, and when it ended, I realized that I did not have a coat or a sweater. That is not like me--I always have a layer to put on, because weather. And also, air conditioning! But I looked all around, and I did not have anything. So I left the building, worried about what piece of clothing I had left behind.

I must have been at a conference in my dream, because I went back to some random building, kind of missing that extra layer that I didn't have, but I was trying to make myself not worry about it. And then I needed to leave to go get on a bus to go to another music event, and as I was leaving, there was my blue coat sitting on a stool in the entry way. So I picked it up and took it with me.

That was when I remembered (still dreaming) that I had put my wallet in the inside pocket, and my cell phone in the outside pocket, and were they still there? The pockets felt full but when I examined them it was just things like gloves and used kleenexes. (Gross--and also--where were my important things?!!)

And then dream me told my dream self, "This is so stupid. You know that you washed your blue coat yesterday, and took everything out of the pockets, and put them in the pockets of your brown coat, so stop worrying about it. Your blue coat is hanging right there (dream showed me where) and your brown coat is right there (dream showed me where) so just go to sleep. You are so stupid--worrying about Patrick when he is safely asleep in his motel room, and worrying about your stupid coats when they are right where you put them." 

Wintery Thoughts

This from the Nanaimo RCMP made me laugh:

But other than laughing about this about the wintery weather, I have not been laughing, I have been stressing!!! Like, last night, I was really tired and went to sleep just fine (only took my usual half hour-ish) but I woke up around 2:30 AM absolutely FULL of anxiety!

You see, Kelli had been stuck with her truck in the winter wonderland of Idaho, and I was worried about her. And both Abra and David have been enduring deep cold, around -40, where F and C meet, along with car engines too frozen to run and broken pipes that cause water woes, and I read online that Environment Canada expects that it is going to reach -60-65 C by the beginning of February as the polar vortex is going crazy. And Patrick was about to pack up and leave, and I had looked at the weather in Missouri and Nebraska, and it seemed like Friday was not going to be the best weather-wise, and even though he wasn't driving yet, I STILL woke up to worry! I only didn't have to worry about Nancy and Josie (well, weather-wise--I have plenty of other worries about them!)

And I am from Alberta, so the weather is ALWAYS on my mind. I can't help it. And winter weather, besides just being nasty and unpleasant sometimes, also kills. This I know. We tried really hard to keep our livestock from freezing, but every now and then, we had a frozen cat or a frozen calf. We had calves that appeared to be frozen dead that dad would bring in the house to warm up and it would work. They would live!

When we moved from California to Alberta in 1983, they had a super cold year. It was -40 for Halloween. So miserable. And later in the year, when Bruce was attending Lethbridge Community College, I would worry every night--would he get home safely? One time the truck froze solid and we were without it for several days, until it warmed up a bit and Uncle Bruce could help us to jump start it. Getting stranded in that kind of weather is more than an inconvenience--it is life-threatening.

That winter, my cousin Helen's fiance did indeed freeze to death. He went out on the farm in Magrath, telling his mother that he was going to do a few chores and then run into town and he would be back in a couple of hours--but instead he fell down outside, and she, assuming he was doing what he said he was doing, didn't look for him or sound the alarm until the couple of hours went by and he didn't return. And then they had to look for him and find where he fell, and by the time they found him, it was too late.

So. That is why winter is scary to me. I do not like going out and about very far from home. Tonight, Kelli is safely home. Alberta has warmed up to a toasty -20F and BC to an even toastier -10F. Patrick has stopped driving and is safely resting in a Best Western. (Earlier in the day, he had a nail (that turned out to be a long piece of metal) in a tire and had to stop to get that fixed.) I assume Nancy is safely in her house, and I know that Josie is safely downstairs. I am just hoping that all my kids who are parents are worrying about their own kids, because I am using up all my worrying about them--so it is only fair that they pay all that worrying forward!

3 out of 30,000

This is just to say that the campus Martin Luther King Essay Contest, for which I am one of the judges, had only 3 applicants.

First prize had been $150, with 2nd and 3rd prizes at $60 and $40. The organizers worried that was not enough money to attract applicants. So they got extra funding and bumped the prizes up to $500, $300, $100.

3 people bit. So they will all get a prize AND get to put on their CV that they won a prize for their writing.

That is 1/100th of a percent of the students on this campus. The essay was not a hard thing. It gave a prompt and was only 777 words or less, so not long.

The moral of the story: just try. Because if you tell yourself, "Oh, so many people will enter and I am not a very good writer. I have no chance of winning" well, you might be one of only 3 entrants.

Borders and related tales

Just some disjointed jottings about borders:

1. If you are from Argentina, even if you are married to a US citizen, even if you have a visa, even if you are entering the country legally, you can expect to be interrogated for several hours, because maybe, once you are in the US you might just try to stay there--even though you own a house in Canada, and even though you are in a university program in Canada that you want to finish. But if you are visiting the US (a brown person who speaks Spanish) then you probably want to stay there. Or maybe, after being subjected to very rude questioning, your already small desire to ever live in the US becomes even smaller.

2. If you are a senior citizen flying to the US from Canada (probably first class), and you are decently white, even if you are flagged for extra security measures so that all your belongings are closely examined and checked for powder residue, you can expect to get through the whole process quickly and respectfully with a minimum of stress. Even though you are carrying contraband for which there is a heavy fine. Kindereggs. Maybe, in this situation, you might tell the examiner, "Oh, this bag is full of treats for my grandchildren," and the examiner will not notice that you have not one, not two, not six, but 24 kindereggs!! 24!! You do the math--that is $60,000 potential fine!!!! (And, if this happens to you, you might be laughing because you were so lucky, and even though you knew you were "smuggling" you had NO CLUE how high the fine per egg was! You thought the worst thing would be they would take them away!! And since that didn't happen, and you are surrounded by grandchildren enjoying their chocolate eggs, you might laugh really hard because of how lucky you are. And maybe your daughter might say, "It's because American children are not smart enough to tell the difference between candy and a toy!" At which point, one of your American grandchildren pops an entire kinderegg WHOLE into his mouth, candy, plastic egg, toy and all!)

3. I read the book "The Girl with Seven Names: A North Korean Defector's Story" which was an amazing read full of all kinds of different experiences crossing borders. Illegally on a lark. Illegally but with the support of the border guards who have been bribed. Illegally with so much at stake, like your lives or the lives of people you love or at least care about. Legally but on a stolen identity. Completely legally. What struck me about this book: what an artificial construct borders seem to become. Also, the near worship of the ruling Kim (various ones at various stages of the lives of the characters) starts to seem not so different from the near worship that some politicians seem to receive from some people. And the human rights abuses at the borders of North Korea start to seem not so different from the human rights abuses at other borders closer to hand. People can get away with almost anything (fraud, smuggling, bribery, meth-dealing, moral indiscretions) as long as they do not question the regime. Which country are we talking about?

4. Once you cross a border, whether legally or illegally, the battle isn't over. This is really clear in the book, as the girl, using her various identities, struggles to live in various places legally or illegally--just tries to keep herself alive and out of prison and saving money so that she can maybe see her family again one day. If you live in China, there will be bias against you if you are Korean Chinese. If you live in South Korea, there will be bias against you if you are Chinese, Korean Chinese, or North Korean.

5. If you live in Canada, and you are a dentist from India, you may find yourself enrolled in a dental assistant program because you have spent really all that you have to move to Canada, where you are not allowed to practice your profession, and you can't afford dental school again--you don't have the time or the money for it, because you have a family and you need to be working. Dental assisting is a solid choice--there are lots of job openings, and the program is only ten months long, and affordable. Even if it is still hard to afford it, you can do it. And the other students in the program might be so happy you are in the class, because you can answer the questions of the mostly brown students in the program so much better, and more willingly, than the white teachers can.

2019 books (part deux)

I read A LOT in July!! And must have been in a very good reading mood, loving nearly all the books I read that month.

The Thirteenth Princess by Diane Sahler (fiction) is a twist on the Twelve Dancing Princesses fairy tale.

I read three books by Elin Hilderbrand (fiction), and I won't list them here, but if you like romances set in Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard, then you will probably like reading Elin Hilderbrand novels. What I like about her books is that the characters and the romances are very complex. And I am an ocean lover, so scenes on the beach are always appealing to me.

Stamped from the beginning: a definitive history of racist ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi (nonfiction) was not an easy read, and I read it over a couple of months while also reading other books that were less distressing to read. My comment that I recorded after finishing it was: "Wow. That was over 500 pages of deep and deeply disturbing insights. With some hope." The author is a young professor at American University, and I am sure having this book published (and winning the National Book Award) was very helpful to him in securing tenure.

Path to the stars: my journey from girl scout to rocket scientist by Sylvia Acevedo (nonfiction) is all about how this young girl made a commitment to learning and trying (despite challenges--which of course we all have) changed her life. Like, she could do amazing things! This is a biography targeted to the younger crowd, but that didn't stop me from liking the book!

Where the crawdads sing by Delia Owens (fiction) is definitely one of my most memorable reads among all the fiction I read this year. It is hauntingly lovely.  Kya home schools herself and becomes a biologist. Important people are the boy who always loves her, the jerk who she falls in love with, the truant officer who tries to make her go to school, the gas station owner who, with his wife, watches out for her. There is racism, class-ism, murder.

The omnivore's dilemma by Michael Pollan (nonfiction) is a walk through the different food chains that people might follow. Each way of eating (which can take months for him to investigate) is followed up with a dinner. Fascinating.

The wide-awake princess by E. D. Baker (fiction) is a great Sleeping Beauty retelling.

I have lost my way by Gayle Forman (fiction) -- this is the same author who wrote "If I Stay" which was also an amazing book, which I remember very well even though it has been a few years since I read it. Three young people meet in a very strange way, when a girl falls and lands on a boy, and another boy witnesses the accident and is there to help them. Each of them has lost their way in life somehow, and a strong bond quickly develops between the three. It is a beautiful story.

I am not your perfect Mexican daughter by Erika L. Sanchez (fiction) -- the younger of two daughters, Julia becomes depressed after her older sister, Olga, is killed in an accident (hit and run) and her parents just seem to want Julia to be the perfect Mexican daughter like her sister was. But was Olga so perfect?

A year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans (nonfiction) was a delight to read! Rachel decides to take the Bible literally and do what biblical women did. She is supported with amusement and sometimes embarrassment by her husband, like when she sits at the gates of the city (by the sign that says Welcome!) and has a sign that says her husband is awesome. I am so sad that she died!! I need to read more of her books, but I am sad that there will never be more.

Requiem by Frances Itani (fiction) -- Bin is Japanese Canadian. Recently widowed, he sets out with his dog on a cross-Canada trip and we travel in his memories, which include experiences in the internment camp in the interior of BC. This book of historical fiction sometimes reads like non-fiction, but it is a novel.

The three books in The Menagerie series by Tui Sutherland and her sister (fiction) were a fun junior fiction read. Very imaginative!

Love and other consolation prizes by Jamie Ford (fiction) -- I read this because for her work, Josie was compiling a list of fiction by Asian people. And also because I like Jamie Ford, who is actually Chinese American, even though his name doesn't sound Chinese. This book looks at immigration (from China) and brothels.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty (nonfiction). LOVED this book. I will never look at death and funerals the same after reading this book. Totally convinced me that cremation is the way to go, because embalming is pretty disgusting.

Without you there is no us by Suki Kim (nonfiction). LOVED this book, too! American Korean Suki Kim writes of her experience teaching at an exclusive school for young men in North Korea. Wow.

Guest House for Young Widows by Azadeh Moaveni (nonfiction). This was very difficult to read, and I read it over time while reading other books, because I didn't love it, but I knew I needed to finish it. Like, it was not that the writing was bad, just that the content was disturbing, and I only like to be disturbed in small doses. My biggest take away is that we (the white people) just WILL NOT forgive. Like, here we have a 19 year old girl--and a 19 year old in today's world is pretty darn young (read IGen by Jean Twenge if you don't believe me!)--and no country wants her because she made a stupid, stupid, STUPID choice when she was 15. Like--she is of no worth ever? Apparently that is how us white folk see her. ARRGH.

What are you?: voices of mixed race young people by Pearl Fuyo Gaskins (nonfiction). Holy cow! I had no clue. This was mind-opening. Like, I knew us white people are racist, but apparently everyone is. Like to each other. Mixed race kids get it from all directions. They aren't white enough. They aren't black enough. They aren't hispanic enough. They aren't Asian enough. Why can't we just let people be people?

Spark by Sarah Beth Durst (fiction). I did a whole blog post about it. 

A year without Autumn by Liz Kessler (fiction). A time travel novel using an old elevator. Jenni moves back and forward through time trying to "fix" a crisis that tears two families apart in the future. Will changing the past (which is really the present) make a difference in the future?

Sounds like me: my life (so far) in song by Sara Bareilles (nonfiction) was a fun biography of this singer/songwriter. She tells her life story in chapters that are focused through one song per chapter.

King of the mild frontier by Christ Crutcher (nonfiction) in which this YA author (of books that are geared for boys) tells of his life growing up in rural Idaho, and how his experiences led him to his career as a therapist (after teaching in inner-city schools for about ten years). He explains why his books sometimes get banned for profanity and hard issues--like, stuff that is normal for kids in his target audience.

The pigman and me by Paul Zindel (nonfiction) is another biography of a YA author. Paul and his sister had a kind of wacko mother (his own description of her) and his father abandoned the family for his girlfriend, but his pigman (and apparently you have to read his novel The Pigman to understand that concept) was someone else's Italian grandfather, and this Nonno made a big difference in Paul's life.

We were liars by E. Lockhart (fiction) was my final read of the year--that 81st book that helped me exceed my goal! Two years ago, before the accident, Cadence was part of a happy quartet of cousins. Cadence, Johnny and Merrin were all born the same year, into an old-money family. Their grandfather owns his own island off the Massachusetts coast, and they spend every summer together. When Johnny's mom starts dating Ed Patel, his nephew Gat (Gatwick) who is Johnny's age and his best friend, Gat becomes the last member of the quartet. (Only Carrie can never marry Ed because he is East Indian and she will be disinherited if she marries him.) Now Cadence is dealing with a post traumatic stress brain injury, and she can't understand why the other three never answer her emails.

And that is that! The books I remembered best and liked the best from this year's reading. I wrote about 12 yesterday, and 23 today. So of the 81, I have singled out 35. 17 of these are nonfiction. So about half of my favorites were NF and about half were F. 

2019 Books

I started keeping track of the books I read in 2014. I have actually been glad that I started doing this--sometimes, I can go back and find a particular book or author, and that has been helpful.

In 2019, I read 81 books. I had set a goal to read at least 80, because that seems like a do-able number of books to read. That averages to nearly seven books a month. Although, I really did want to beat my score from 2018--but I also just wanted a nice round number, so 80 it was. On December 1, I finished book 73 for the year, and I was like "Woah! I need to up my game, or I will never make it to 80 books for the year!" I would need to read seven more!

Well, I met my goal. And exceeded it by one! Here are the stats:

2019 - 81
2018 - 83
2017 - 66
2016 - 106
2015 - 74
2014 - 83

This year, I read 25 nonfiction and 56 fiction books.  Sometimes people ask me for book recommendations, and for some reason it is hard for me to share my book list publicly. I guess because reading is so personal to me--it is like when you are working at the library and people ask you for book recommendations, but just because you like a book doesn't mean they will. And it is kind of upsetting to my poor little heart if people think something that is dear to me is stupid, you know?

It is interesting to me to look back on what I have read to see if I even remember it. I can look back at my list from 2014, and regardless of how I rated the book at the time, if I remember it six years later, then it was probably quite good. When I rate books, I only use two ratings: good and very good. Normally, if a book isn't at least good, I just don't finish it. Because life is short and there are more books in the library I work in than I could read in many lifetimes. Like, if I learned to read when I was five (which I did, although it might have been towards the end of being 4) and if I read one book a day for my entire life, and I lived to be 100, that would be 95 x 365 which is only 34,675, and we have around 1 million books in our huge library. So--no wasting time on books I don't like. (Unless it is a book I have to read for work. Then I will suffer through it, but I don't have to like it.)

That said, every year when I look back at the books from that year, there are books that I rated as "good" but which I can't even remember now, when it is the same year! So how good were they, really? Maybe not good enough! This year, I have re-discovered biographies. When I was a child, biographies were my favorite! I loved reading about the lives of people. And I also find that I am really enjoying nonfiction this year, too.

So, here are the best books of my 2019 reading year, based on both rating and memorable-ness, starting from January and progressing through the year, so in the order I read them.

The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon (fiction) -- this was also made into a movie, which I watched, and the movie was also good. What if you meet someone and fall in love the day before you are about to be deported?

House of Dreams by Liz Rosenberg (nonfiction) -- this is a biography of L.M. Montgomery. And it made me all interested in her genealogy, and because of it, I actually did a bunch of research and sent a note to Family Search to fix things, because I found live people who Family Search had as dead and stuff like that. So, that was captivating to me!

The golden tresses of the dead by Alan Bradley (fiction) -- I do love a good Flavia de Luce mystery. Alan Bradley, born in Ontario and retired from the University of Saskatchewan, writes these lovely stories set in England and based on chemistry done by a girl (Flavia) who is age 11 in the first book. If you like science and mysteries and children, this is a great series. It is particularly lovely because it is a book written for adults, not for children, yet we have this young heroine. I have enjoyed all of this series.

Educated by Tara Westover (nonfiction) -- awesome biography! Read it.

Us Against You by Fredrik Backman (fiction) -- these Swedish hockey books! I guess I can just relate because I am Canadian and grew up in a small town where hockey was The Main Thing. I have loved every book by Backman that I have read. He doesn't write fast enough to keep me satisfied!

Forgiveness: A Gift from my Grandparents by Mark Sakamoto (nonfiction) -- Mark grew up in Medicine Hat, Alberta. One grandfather fought (and was nearly killed by) the Japanese in WWII; his paternal grandparents were both Japanese from BC who were relocated to Alberta during WWII. You can see the conflict here. Such a beautiful book. Spoiler alert: (which for me, there are never spoilers because I enjoy so much HOW authors tell the story, even if I already know the story) I love the part where he is standing in the war room in the parliament building, and realizes that if not for the war, which he HATES, he would not exist! The war put all his grandparents in the right places to meet and marry and have children--his parents--and he could not only forgive but be grateful. Well, you have to read it to hear how he tells it!

An unquiet mind by Kay Redfield Jamison (nonfiction) -- I read this book because Josie has been diagnosed as bi-polar, and Kay, in this biography, explains what bi-polarism was like for her. She is a clinical psychologist at Johns Hopkins. She has done amazing things with her life and also been bi-polar since young adulthood (which is a pretty common time for this way of being to present itself.)

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor (nonfiction) -- I am in a faculty group, and we discussed this book, which I had not read, so I read it and loved it. My comment at the time of finishing it was that it is a good management book. But being happy is just plain good for your life, too. The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale was so influential on me as a young depressed teenager--I have believed these principles for a long time. But--that one was written in 1952. Achor's book is an updated version, placed in the workplace. I need to read it again.

The Jennifer Gift by Eunice Young Smith (fiction) -- this was a favorite book from upper elementary school, and I got it into my head that I wanted to read it again. I couldn't remember what it was about since, you know, I read it first more than 50 years ago--but I have always remembered the title and the happy feeling I got when reading the book. (I also re-read the Jennifer Wish, but it was not the wonderful read (upon rereading, since I also read this one as a child) that the Jennifer Gift was.

The Forbidden Library by Django Wexler (fiction) -- I am pretty sure that this author may have been named after a jazz musician, Django Rheinhardt. Maybe? It is at least a good name for an author. In this series of books (I need to read the others, I suppose!) reading is literally magic.

I am the Messenger by Marcus Zuzak (fiction) -- an Australian award-winning book about poor (literally poor) Ed and what happens after he accidentally stops a bank robbery.

iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean Twenge (nonfiction) -- this is a book (with a VERY LONG TITLE) that every teacher or parent or aunt or grandma should read because the generations growing up now are indeed different for many reasons from more technology to helicopter parenting to a society in which Protecting Kids comes first. Written by a San Diego State psychology professor who backs up her points with solid research.

Guys! I am only to July!! And I am oh so tired at 1:40 AM on January 1, 2020. I will have to continue this later, because I am going to sleep!