My cousin Margaret's husband Clarence died this morning. He has been battling cancer--a brain tumor that was inoperable--for about a year. The good news is that once he was going downhill, he went pretty fast. Which is sad because he is gone, but which is happy because the worst of his being incapacitated was not overly long. It can be so hard watching someone you love die slowly and agonizingly, so the family was spared that.
It was the summer of 1978. My cousin Margaret had returned from her mission--the Bristol England mission--and she decided to apply to BYU. Margaret already had completed nursing training before her mission, but she just decided on a whim to go to BYU--she didn't really know what she wanted to study; she just decided it would be good for her to be there. I had been at BYU for the 1975-76 and 1976-77 school years, but only half of the 1977-78 school year. I had gone home at Christmas time because I really did not know what I wanted to do. I was not doing well in school and could not decide on a major.
It was the summer of 1978 that Arlene got married, and I was working for the School Division, teaching remedial math and reading in summer school. (I can do REMEDIAL math. It is the REGULAR math that I can't do, all you people who are shocked at that.) I decided not to go back to BYU, but then when Margaret was going, at the last minute I decided to go. We drove down together, Margaret in her big boat of a car and me in my little red Datsun pickup. Marie drove with us, so there were three of us in two vehicles.
Marie was living in Park Plaza (on 9th East), Margaret in the Moon apartments just across the street from the stairs leading down from campus, and I had nowhere to live because I had decided to go at the eleventh hour. I found a place in Orem, in an apartment building between State Street and Columbia Lane.
Margaret was surprised to find in her ward that annoying young man from her mission, Elder Kemp, the one who, with his companion, had pranked the sister missionaries on the bus in Cardiff? Bristol? I can't remember which; but they had seen the sisters and taken their name tags off and flirted with them and basically been terrible teases. So, with him in her ward, and I think in her FHE group, Margaret and Clarence began to prank each other. I don't remember all the tricks they pulled, but I know that there were some cayenne pepper flavoured chocolate chip cookies involved. Margaret was two years older than this young man--he was my age--and she was feeling kind of big-sisterly towards him.
She even tried to set me up with him! "You should go out with Elder Kemp," she said. "No way," I said, "he is too much of a tease for me." (Since all his pranking was pretty much all I knew about him!) "No, you really should," she said, "He is really nice and fun. And he's really cute." "Then why don't YOU go out with him?" I asked. "Oh, he is too young for me!" she said, "He is just your age, and I think you would make a really cute couple." "Well, what is his first name?" I asked. "Clarence," she said. Well, deal breaker! I was a name snob (still kind of am...) and so I said, "Clarence? You're kidding! No way. I could never date a Clarence!"
So that was it. She stopped trying to set me up with him, and she kept on enjoying his company as if he were a younger, pesky brother. One day, my roommate Laura and I went to the Weekend Movie in the JSB (that was a thing back then) and we ran into Margaret and her friends in line for the movie. They were sitting on the floor in the hall playing cards and laughing and having a lot of fun. Margaret introduced me and Laura to her friends, one of whom was Clarence. And she was right, he WAS cute, and he WAS charming, and he WAS a lot of fun. Opportunity missed for me, but that was good, because by then, Margaret was starting to like Clarence as more than a friend.
Well, he didn't know that. They just kept on being friends. They didn't date, they just did things together with their friends. Only the way Margaret talked about Clarence was changing! This continued into Winter semester 1979. At the end of April, we went home and got jobs. I am thinking Marie stayed in Provo and went to summer school, but Margaret and I went home. She got a job as a camp cook for a highway crew. I got a job in payroll at Empress Foods (known in Taber as 'the canning factory' which it was--food was canned there for the Empress label, a Safeway brand.) In July, we both took a couple of weeks off and drove my little truck to San Diego to visit Arlene and Michael and baby Jenna. That was a lot of fun!
(Segue: Grandpa Lund driving us around to see all the sights and swerving all over the road as he pointed out this or that landmark; a police siren; Grandpa Lund pulling over, and rolling down his window; the police officer saying, "Sir have you been drinking?" Grandma Lund (leaning over to put her two cents in): "Oh, no! We are Mormons! We don't drink! We were just showing some out of town guests all the sights!" / Arlene and Michael leaving Jenna with us to go on a "date"--a walk to the corner store a few blocks away from their little apartment in Vista--and Jenna screaming blue bloody murder THE WHOLE TIME at a million decibels. They could hear her and hurried home. That was as good as their dates could be; Jenna was a crier and a mama's girl!)
Margaret and Clarence had written each other a few letters between April and July. He was in Rexburg, Idaho, living with his brother and family, and working in engineering, which was his major. Margaret decided as we were driving and talking about things--a lot of which was Clarence--that we should stop in Rexburg and see him. And so we did. We stayed overnight at his brother's house. (Can't remember his name, but his wife was Sandy, and there were two adorable little sons, a year apart with birthdays on the same day which happened also to be Clarence's birthday.) That was actually really fun, though I did feel a bit out of place because things were definitely heating up between M and C! But I played with the little kids and that was fun. And then we drove home, and Margaret finished working and went back to BYU, and I stayed in Taber and worked.
We both ended up in serious relationships--mine with Bruce, my husband, whom my cousin Mary set me up with, and Margaret with Clarence. Did they get married first? I think so. I remember that Bruce and I went to the wedding breakfast; that was when I got to meet Clarence's grandmother, Belle S. Spafford, who was the general president of the Relief Society from 1945-1974. She was in that position when Clarence was born, and through all his growing up years, pretty much. She was a lovely, kind person, I thought.
We did things together as couples a bit. Clarence was working as a manager at Pizza Hut, and they had a line of Mickey Mouse mugs they were giving away at the store--they gave us a set for a wedding gift. I think we might still have one somewhere. Then we moved to San Diego; but we stayed in touch.
It was, I think, the summer of 1982 when M and C came to San Diego with baby Jeffrey. I have a picture of Margaret and Jeffrey at the beach,
but the only picture with Clarence in it, taken at Old Town, is super blurry.
So, it happened that our parents (mine and Arlene's) were there visiting at the same time, so we decided to go to Tijuana. We only wanted to take one car, so we decided that our little yellow Datsun station wagon would hold the most people. My mom said that she would stay home with the two little boys, Lance and Jeffrey, and Abbi decided to stay with Grandma--she always liked her sleep, so a late night to Tijuana was not her idea of fun; and she did like her Grandma, too. So the rest of us loaded into our car. Because Michael and Clarence were the tallest, Michael drove and Clarence, with Margaret on his lap, rode shotgun. Bruce, Arlene and my dad were in the back seat, and I rode in the back-back with Jenna and Kelli. Holy claustraphobia! Worst ride of my life!
We had fun in Tijuana, finding bargains and bartering and eating yummy Mexican pastries and listening to mariachi music and all of the stuff. On the way back, I crammed into the backseat with Bruce, Arlene and my dad, and we headed back. Those were the days, my friends! Nine people in a four seat-belt car! Back when it really WAS a free country! And no ID at the border either; we knew they would just ask what our citizenship was, and those of us who were, at the time (as far as we could prove) Canadian, would just assert that we were American. (Guys: we all ARE American! So we were not lying! We just thought we were!) We had already planned that, when asked for citizenship, Margaret should just say "US" since she pronounced "American" with a British-ish accent. So it worked: Michael, Clarence and Margaret all passed muster; Arlene, Bruce and I passed muster; but we forgot about my dad's post-stroke speech impediment! Dad had decided to say "US" like Margaret--less syllables, so easier to say--but his slurry "US" coupled with his black hair, brown eyes and brown skin caused the officer to be suspicious. (But even when the land was free-er, still with the racial profiling!) He asked Dad all kinds of questions: "Where where you born?" "Provo, Utah." and so on--but Dad was able to answer truthfully to all the questions the officer thought to ask, so we were finally on our way. I was so glad to get out of that crowded car! Nine people in a car that size is okay for a short trip, but this one was a bit too long! Still, a fun memory of time spent with people I love! (And the awful car ride helps to keep the memory alive!)
We moved to Alberta in 1983, and that is maybe where I next saw Margaret and Clarence. Although I know at some point we were at their house when they lived in--was it Sandy?--where Mary was born-- because I have the pictures to prove it. My favorite story from that time is about Jeffrey crawling into Mary's crib to get her up in the morning, and dropping her,, breaking her leg. Soon after, while Mary's leg was still in the cast, M and C sat their boys down to tell them that a new baby was on the way, whereupon Jeffrey burst into tears and wailed something like, "I know I broke her, but can't we please still keep Mary? Do we have to get a NEW baby?"
Always fun to visit with the Kemps! When we lived in Provo in 1987, M
and C and their kids, who were living in Evanston, WY, by then, came to
spend Halloween weekend. Margaret and Clarence took in a BYU football
game while Bruce and I went trick or treating with our (then) four kids
and their four kids. It was so nice out that weekend, and the kids had
so much fun together. All the children in our family loved M and C both
so much, because they were so much fun!
Then we lived in British Columbia for seven years, so we were pretty much out of the loop. I remember one trip to Alberta when M and C and kids were there, though, and it was so great to see them. I was so worried about seeing them, though, that I kind of neglected Uncle Clyde, and that was the last time I ever saw him in this life. Life is short, and you never know...
By the time we lived in Alberta again, Uncle Clyde and Auntie Beulah had both "graduated" from this life, and I don't remember a time when M and C came up to AB while we were there for five years. So it was like a long time that we had not seen them very much. And so busy raising our kids, we didn't stay in touch as we should have.
Soon after we moved to Utah in 2000, Margaret had colon cancer. We went to Evanston a couple of times to visit, sometimes just the adults while Margaret was at her sickest, and sometimes with our four youngest kids. Clarence was so kind and gentle and good to Margaret through that illness. He was full of faith and hope in their continued future together. It was really neat to see his love for her shining in his eyes, spelled out in his countenance. They really were a terrific match for each other!
After they moved to Utah, when we lived closer to each other, we did not see enough of them! M invited our family for Thanksgiving one year, and we had a lot of fun playing Cranium and other board games. And sometimes Margaret would drop in when at BYU for Women's Conference or Education Week. When Mary got married, a couple of my kids and I, and my nephew Craig drove up to Layton for the wedding reception. We got hopelessly lost--they had just renumbered all the exits of I-15, and our maps were wrong, and though Craig had served in that area on his mission, the map and the roads not matching were confusing, and so we arrived just as the reception was ending. It was always fun, though, to see my cousins! So happy to be together. The last time I saw Clarence was five-six years ago, I am sad to say. We had a mini-reunion in the park to say hello to Nancy and Andrew, who had just moved back to the US from Egypt, and to say adios to Elizabeth, who was moving to Washington D.C. Even though the traffic was horrible, M and C and their girls came. Or maybe just Mary, who had done some wonderful baking. A time to laugh and catch up with the Kemps! Too long ago.
It seems like, for me, life has gotten busier and busier, and I feel bad for not being more present in my cousin Margaret's life! When I knew that Clarence was sick, I was following his life via Mary on FB, and...I just expected him to last longer! I really did plan to go up and visit them, but...I waited too long.
Well, those are my memories of Clarence. He was a joker (drove my mother crazy!) but he could be serious and thoughtful when he needed to be, too. He told me that in Elder's Quorum he would joke around just enough so that they wouldn't get any ideas about making him a bishop or anything--watching his Grandma be the female equivalent of a general authority his whole time growing up had made him NOT want to be a church leader very much--but he had a testimony and a love of the gospel instilled in him, and he knew about living important principles like to love your family, and serve your family and your friends and community. And treat others the way you want to be treated. The greatest command--to love the Lord--and the second greatest--to love thy neighbor--Clarence had those down; they were a part of his character. I am so glad that he and Margaret found each other on that bus or train in the UK, and found each other again just south of campus in an FHE group, and that they got to spend 37 years together (well, married for 36 and a bit). Not long enough, but a good long while.
I will add pictures later, if there are any readers, so check back if you want to see them!
It was the summer of 1978. My cousin Margaret had returned from her mission--the Bristol England mission--and she decided to apply to BYU. Margaret already had completed nursing training before her mission, but she just decided on a whim to go to BYU--she didn't really know what she wanted to study; she just decided it would be good for her to be there. I had been at BYU for the 1975-76 and 1976-77 school years, but only half of the 1977-78 school year. I had gone home at Christmas time because I really did not know what I wanted to do. I was not doing well in school and could not decide on a major.
It was the summer of 1978 that Arlene got married, and I was working for the School Division, teaching remedial math and reading in summer school. (I can do REMEDIAL math. It is the REGULAR math that I can't do, all you people who are shocked at that.) I decided not to go back to BYU, but then when Margaret was going, at the last minute I decided to go. We drove down together, Margaret in her big boat of a car and me in my little red Datsun pickup. Marie drove with us, so there were three of us in two vehicles.
Marie was living in Park Plaza (on 9th East), Margaret in the Moon apartments just across the street from the stairs leading down from campus, and I had nowhere to live because I had decided to go at the eleventh hour. I found a place in Orem, in an apartment building between State Street and Columbia Lane.
Margaret was surprised to find in her ward that annoying young man from her mission, Elder Kemp, the one who, with his companion, had pranked the sister missionaries on the bus in Cardiff? Bristol? I can't remember which; but they had seen the sisters and taken their name tags off and flirted with them and basically been terrible teases. So, with him in her ward, and I think in her FHE group, Margaret and Clarence began to prank each other. I don't remember all the tricks they pulled, but I know that there were some cayenne pepper flavoured chocolate chip cookies involved. Margaret was two years older than this young man--he was my age--and she was feeling kind of big-sisterly towards him.
She even tried to set me up with him! "You should go out with Elder Kemp," she said. "No way," I said, "he is too much of a tease for me." (Since all his pranking was pretty much all I knew about him!) "No, you really should," she said, "He is really nice and fun. And he's really cute." "Then why don't YOU go out with him?" I asked. "Oh, he is too young for me!" she said, "He is just your age, and I think you would make a really cute couple." "Well, what is his first name?" I asked. "Clarence," she said. Well, deal breaker! I was a name snob (still kind of am...) and so I said, "Clarence? You're kidding! No way. I could never date a Clarence!"
So that was it. She stopped trying to set me up with him, and she kept on enjoying his company as if he were a younger, pesky brother. One day, my roommate Laura and I went to the Weekend Movie in the JSB (that was a thing back then) and we ran into Margaret and her friends in line for the movie. They were sitting on the floor in the hall playing cards and laughing and having a lot of fun. Margaret introduced me and Laura to her friends, one of whom was Clarence. And she was right, he WAS cute, and he WAS charming, and he WAS a lot of fun. Opportunity missed for me, but that was good, because by then, Margaret was starting to like Clarence as more than a friend.
Well, he didn't know that. They just kept on being friends. They didn't date, they just did things together with their friends. Only the way Margaret talked about Clarence was changing! This continued into Winter semester 1979. At the end of April, we went home and got jobs. I am thinking Marie stayed in Provo and went to summer school, but Margaret and I went home. She got a job as a camp cook for a highway crew. I got a job in payroll at Empress Foods (known in Taber as 'the canning factory' which it was--food was canned there for the Empress label, a Safeway brand.) In July, we both took a couple of weeks off and drove my little truck to San Diego to visit Arlene and Michael and baby Jenna. That was a lot of fun!
(Segue: Grandpa Lund driving us around to see all the sights and swerving all over the road as he pointed out this or that landmark; a police siren; Grandpa Lund pulling over, and rolling down his window; the police officer saying, "Sir have you been drinking?" Grandma Lund (leaning over to put her two cents in): "Oh, no! We are Mormons! We don't drink! We were just showing some out of town guests all the sights!" / Arlene and Michael leaving Jenna with us to go on a "date"--a walk to the corner store a few blocks away from their little apartment in Vista--and Jenna screaming blue bloody murder THE WHOLE TIME at a million decibels. They could hear her and hurried home. That was as good as their dates could be; Jenna was a crier and a mama's girl!)
Margaret and Clarence had written each other a few letters between April and July. He was in Rexburg, Idaho, living with his brother and family, and working in engineering, which was his major. Margaret decided as we were driving and talking about things--a lot of which was Clarence--that we should stop in Rexburg and see him. And so we did. We stayed overnight at his brother's house. (Can't remember his name, but his wife was Sandy, and there were two adorable little sons, a year apart with birthdays on the same day which happened also to be Clarence's birthday.) That was actually really fun, though I did feel a bit out of place because things were definitely heating up between M and C! But I played with the little kids and that was fun. And then we drove home, and Margaret finished working and went back to BYU, and I stayed in Taber and worked.
We both ended up in serious relationships--mine with Bruce, my husband, whom my cousin Mary set me up with, and Margaret with Clarence. Did they get married first? I think so. I remember that Bruce and I went to the wedding breakfast; that was when I got to meet Clarence's grandmother, Belle S. Spafford, who was the general president of the Relief Society from 1945-1974. She was in that position when Clarence was born, and through all his growing up years, pretty much. She was a lovely, kind person, I thought.
We did things together as couples a bit. Clarence was working as a manager at Pizza Hut, and they had a line of Mickey Mouse mugs they were giving away at the store--they gave us a set for a wedding gift. I think we might still have one somewhere. Then we moved to San Diego; but we stayed in touch.
It was, I think, the summer of 1982 when M and C came to San Diego with baby Jeffrey. I have a picture of Margaret and Jeffrey at the beach,
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| Jeffrey and Margaret at the beach |
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| See what I mean? Sooooo blurry. Dad and Mom are behind. Kelli standing on the bench beside Clarence who is holding Jeffrey, Margaret is holding Jenna, Arlene is holding Lance, and Bruce is in front holding Abbi. Bruce and Margaret are both rocking those afros...and they seem to match mom's hair! Too bad Michael was not there to take the picture so it would have turned out. Because this photographer (fingers pointing right at me) did not do so well. |
We had fun in Tijuana, finding bargains and bartering and eating yummy Mexican pastries and listening to mariachi music and all of the stuff. On the way back, I crammed into the backseat with Bruce, Arlene and my dad, and we headed back. Those were the days, my friends! Nine people in a four seat-belt car! Back when it really WAS a free country! And no ID at the border either; we knew they would just ask what our citizenship was, and those of us who were, at the time (as far as we could prove) Canadian, would just assert that we were American. (Guys: we all ARE American! So we were not lying! We just thought we were!) We had already planned that, when asked for citizenship, Margaret should just say "US" since she pronounced "American" with a British-ish accent. So it worked: Michael, Clarence and Margaret all passed muster; Arlene, Bruce and I passed muster; but we forgot about my dad's post-stroke speech impediment! Dad had decided to say "US" like Margaret--less syllables, so easier to say--but his slurry "US" coupled with his black hair, brown eyes and brown skin caused the officer to be suspicious. (But even when the land was free-er, still with the racial profiling!) He asked Dad all kinds of questions: "Where where you born?" "Provo, Utah." and so on--but Dad was able to answer truthfully to all the questions the officer thought to ask, so we were finally on our way. I was so glad to get out of that crowded car! Nine people in a car that size is okay for a short trip, but this one was a bit too long! Still, a fun memory of time spent with people I love! (And the awful car ride helps to keep the memory alive!)
We moved to Alberta in 1983, and that is maybe where I next saw Margaret and Clarence. Although I know at some point we were at their house when they lived in--was it Sandy?--where Mary was born-- because I have the pictures to prove it. My favorite story from that time is about Jeffrey crawling into Mary's crib to get her up in the morning, and dropping her,, breaking her leg. Soon after, while Mary's leg was still in the cast, M and C sat their boys down to tell them that a new baby was on the way, whereupon Jeffrey burst into tears and wailed something like, "I know I broke her, but can't we please still keep Mary? Do we have to get a NEW baby?"
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| Pictorial evidence of being at the Kemp home in Sandy. Marie and her family were also there. We ate spaghetti. But I can't identify all the kids. Help! I know that Kelli is behind the baby swing, and that looks like Sara M. standing in front, and is that Nancy in the swing? I recognize Jeff and David, and I think that is the back of Wendy, and that the head in the right bottom corner is Abbi, but who is that other person? It looks too big to be Michael or Mary, but I am out of people! |
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| Margaret holding Michael, Clarence holding Mary, and Jeffrey. |
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| Back: Harold, John, Clarence, Nolan. Next: Pam, Perry, Ruth, Margaret, Steven, Shauna. Center: Auntie Beulah holding Mary, Uncle Clyde, Sandy kneeling. Front: Stewart, Kenny, Donna, Karen with Michael on her lap, Jeffrey. Christmas 1985 is my best guess. |
Then we lived in British Columbia for seven years, so we were pretty much out of the loop. I remember one trip to Alberta when M and C and kids were there, though, and it was so great to see them. I was so worried about seeing them, though, that I kind of neglected Uncle Clyde, and that was the last time I ever saw him in this life. Life is short, and you never know...
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| This picture was taken in our parents' basement in Raymond. Margaret is holding Mary, and Clarence has Michael. Jeffrey must have been off playing with David when I snapped this picture. |
Soon after we moved to Utah in 2000, Margaret had colon cancer. We went to Evanston a couple of times to visit, sometimes just the adults while Margaret was at her sickest, and sometimes with our four youngest kids. Clarence was so kind and gentle and good to Margaret through that illness. He was full of faith and hope in their continued future together. It was really neat to see his love for her shining in his eyes, spelled out in his countenance. They really were a terrific match for each other!
After they moved to Utah, when we lived closer to each other, we did not see enough of them! M invited our family for Thanksgiving one year, and we had a lot of fun playing Cranium and other board games. And sometimes Margaret would drop in when at BYU for Women's Conference or Education Week. When Mary got married, a couple of my kids and I, and my nephew Craig drove up to Layton for the wedding reception. We got hopelessly lost--they had just renumbered all the exits of I-15, and our maps were wrong, and though Craig had served in that area on his mission, the map and the roads not matching were confusing, and so we arrived just as the reception was ending. It was always fun, though, to see my cousins! So happy to be together. The last time I saw Clarence was five-six years ago, I am sad to say. We had a mini-reunion in the park to say hello to Nancy and Andrew, who had just moved back to the US from Egypt, and to say adios to Elizabeth, who was moving to Washington D.C. Even though the traffic was horrible, M and C and their girls came. Or maybe just Mary, who had done some wonderful baking. A time to laugh and catch up with the Kemps! Too long ago.
It seems like, for me, life has gotten busier and busier, and I feel bad for not being more present in my cousin Margaret's life! When I knew that Clarence was sick, I was following his life via Mary on FB, and...I just expected him to last longer! I really did plan to go up and visit them, but...I waited too long.
Well, those are my memories of Clarence. He was a joker (drove my mother crazy!) but he could be serious and thoughtful when he needed to be, too. He told me that in Elder's Quorum he would joke around just enough so that they wouldn't get any ideas about making him a bishop or anything--watching his Grandma be the female equivalent of a general authority his whole time growing up had made him NOT want to be a church leader very much--but he had a testimony and a love of the gospel instilled in him, and he knew about living important principles like to love your family, and serve your family and your friends and community. And treat others the way you want to be treated. The greatest command--to love the Lord--and the second greatest--to love thy neighbor--Clarence had those down; they were a part of his character. I am so glad that he and Margaret found each other on that bus or train in the UK, and found each other again just south of campus in an FHE group, and that they got to spend 37 years together (well, married for 36 and a bit). Not long enough, but a good long while.
I will add pictures later, if there are any readers, so check back if you want to see them!
