Three funerals and a hockey game

So, in the midst of all the concerts that I either was managing or performing in, life decided to show its alter-ego, death, three times in the extended family. Nov. 9 was the day, and on that day three things happened: my cousin Cal Hancock in Raymond died, my cousin John's wife Christine in Alpine died, and my cousin Rita's husband David in Raymond fell in the house, and when he could not get up, Rita frantically called her son Lowyn, who came right away and called 911 and David had been felled by a stroke, so was quickly enroute to Calgary Foothills Hospital.

Those of us not in Rita's family were made aware that the other two had died; Rita's family was rather consumed with what was happening in their family.  The news about David was initially positive, and we mostly all thought he would survive but have residual damage from the stroke like our Dad did.  But it was not to be. Here I will record what transpired:

Nov. 10 (Janae Hardy Purnell): Prayers are needed for my dad, David Hardy. He had a stroke yesterday. He is in the Calgary hospital, being watched in case swelling in the brain develops. Specific prayers that any swelling will not warrant surgery, and that Angels will attend in this difficult time for him, would hit the greatest needs right now. Thank you for your love and faith!

Nov. 11 (Janae again): Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support. We have an incredible family! Mom and us kids have been feeling peace through all of the difficult choices and emotions that this has brought. David had surgery (removed a bone flap to allow for brain swelling) about midnight. He is stable and resting. More prayers and faith are always helpful, the next few days can often be the worst as far as additional brain swelling. So far through all of this his mind has been clear and he's been able to converse coherently, with some slur to his speech, so that is a blessing. Thank you again for your love and prayers.

Later in the day on Nov. 11 (Ron Hancock): And another bites the dust! Please remember David Hardy, husband of our cousin Rita Hardy, who is in intensive care in a Calgary hospital suffering from a massive stroke. He is in a comma and the outlook is not good. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Hardy and Navratil family and hope for a positive outcome. This past week has been devistating (sic) to the Hancock family. First Lynn Hancock's brother, Dwane Bennett died, his funeral was yesterday in Taber. Then her husband our cousin Cal Hancock died earlier this week and another cousin John McGilvary's wife Christine died the next day. Both funerals are Monday at 11:00. One here in Raymond and the other in Alpine Utah. Can't be in both. Wish I could. That leaves 3 of our family in mourning. It has not been a good week at all!!!! PRAYERS PLEASE!!!!

Later still on Nov. 11 (Lowyn Hardy): Over the course of the day, we have been watching dad rest and have been glad that he is getting some rest. However, the neurosurgeons and neurologist have noticed a very rapid swelling and build up of fluid that is putting pressure on his nerves in the last hour. He is now not very responsive. The hole in his skull is not large enough to compensate for the rapid swelling and the surgeons do not believe that additional surgery will make any meaningful difference. They are preparing to transfer dad to ICU where they will try a medication intervention. This is a seemingly last resort to try and reduce the swelling.

Mom and I are here. Dallin may be coming back in a bit after Heather is dropped off at uncle Marks.The Lord's will will be done--it always is. I'm fully confident of that. Love from Lowyn &  Mom

 Nov. 12 (Lowyn again): Mom and I just had a lengthy interaction with the medical team this morning. After removing dad from sedation at 6am and seeing that there was no change in responsiveness, they have decided to put him back on the sedation.

A neurologist examined him this morning as well and indicated that we're in a period of waiting out the swelling window. We are on day three. Swelling typically peaks around day 4-5.
We looked at dads post surgery scan from yesterday and it clearly shows that the swelling is pushing the good part of his brain. The mid-line has shifted off of center.

From here, we have the choice of deciding whether we wait it out or say we've done is enough. The lady Dr. this morning mentioned 4 possible more invasive applications that could be used to try and pull him through this time:

1) high dose sedation
2) cooling his body via an IV line in his groin or neck... probably groin. Obviously a risk of bleeding and infection with this.
3) Paralysis
4) medically induced coma

The Paralysis and high dose sedation treatment would likely be done simultaneously. Medically induced coma and cooling were explained as more invasive.

A neurosurgeon is now assessing dad...and asked us to step out. Once he is done his assessment, Dr. Wong (who performed the surgery) will consult with the ICU dr and inform us of their proposed plan for his immediate care.In discussions with the drs, I'm continually reminded of 1) dads clear expression which he repeated multiple times while he was conversant, that: "I don't think anyone would choose a life of disability, but if I was given the choice of whether to live with a disability or to die, I think I would choose to live." 2) mom's desire that dad live...she is fully committed to caring for him like she did grandpa, 3) all of your faith 4) the heartfelt expressions from dads friends that I've read in the last couple days, especially his researcher friends...like Charles Popper expressing that hearing this news has made him realize how much he relies on and needs dad for the betterment of "many patients".

Nov. 13 (Lowyn again): Dad passed away just 7 minutes ago (at 6:40 am Sunday November 13). Thanks to Dallin's inspiration, mom was allowed to be right with dad during the night...sleeping in a recliner beside him...facing him). At about 5:30, mom noticed that the white breathing piece fell out of his mouth but that he continued to breathe fine as before. Mom said he passed peacefully with no struggle.

D&C 42:46 And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them.

The nurse woke Joseph and I up at 6:42.

Love you all!

Lowyn

Nov. 14, there were two funerals. One in Raymond for Cal Hancock. Here is his funeral program.

 My memories of Cal are mostly from the time (3 years) that we lived in Raymond. Cal was in the bishopric, and Bruce was a ward clerk for Bishop Bob Brandley, along with our cousin Ray Hancock who actually died from an aneurysm while we were in Raymond. Ragbir Sopal was also in that bishopric--later, his daughter Marianne (who was one of Kelli's classmates) would marry our cousin Ruth Payne's son Stewart.  Cal and Lynne would have all that group and their wives over for dinner and soft ice cream. Cal loved soft ice cream, so he had a soft ice cream machine in his house. Cal's wife Lynne was the daughter of Vera Terriff, a lady in our Taber 3rd Ward. I was Lynne's niece's Star teacher in Primary. Anyways, they were great people. I liked Cal and Lynne a whole bunch. Even though Cal is my cousin, I am the same age as his second son, Bruce.

Here in Utah, the same day, Nov. 14, there was a funeral for Christine, John's wife. My brother Bruce and I went to that funeral..  Here is Christine's obituary, because I neglected to pick up a program.(Well, I held one and read it, but it wasn't mine, and I was afraid it belonged to someone else, so I put it back where I found it.)

Bruce my brother and I were glad we went to renew our acquaintance with our cousins.

Bruce Conrad and Eldon McGilvary

Bruce Conrad and John McGilvary

Dana, Eldon's significant other, me, Eldon, Mary and Bruce

 Mary and I decided to run up to Raymond for David Hardy's funeral because we love Rita and wanted to be with the family. Also, I had been feeling that Abra needed some attention, and even a few hours is better than nothing, right? (Sometimes a few hours is better than a few days, really.) Scott Navratil wanted to go, and Rosie wanted to go. Josie totally wanted to go, but she had tour to Colorado. And even Patrick and Bruce considered going, but we were planning a brutal up and back trip, so they opted out. 

A few summers ago, Bruce and I with Rosie, and Abra and her children, spent a week staying at Rita and David's house. We had such a wonderful time! I blogged about it back then.  Anyways, that was why Rosie wanted to go. 

We (Rosie and I) left from our house at 11 PM. Scott was waiting at Mary's, so we were on the road by midnight. Scott works as a night security guard at the U of U, so he had spent the day sleeping and was wide awake and ready to drive. So we let him. The roads were bare and dry, though it was pretty cold. We didn't hit awful roads until Great Falls, where the fog was as thick as pea soup from there until almost the border. Weird thing at the border: they had the road into Canada blocked at the US side. They were looking for someone or something specific, because the car before us and our car they just waved through, but the one before the car in front of us had been stopped for a bit. Getting through the Canadian side was easy-peasy.

Scott's mom, Janet, cooked us French toast for breakfast, and then we were on our own. We stopped at Ron and Deanne's, where we would be staying, to let them know we were there, and then we drove to Lethbridge. We had to stop to put air in a tire, which Rosie is good at doing, and then dropped Mary at her Aunt Charlotte's house.

Aunt Charlotte is 91, and she is Uncle George's baby sister. She kept asking Mary when I was going to come back and get her. "Is your cousin here yet?" I guess she was "Glad to see her come, glad to see her go!"

We stopped at Sobey's to buy Canadian junk food because it is close to Aunt Charlotte's house, but there was very little selection. So...here was our mistake---we put what we had chosen BACK and headed across the city to Walmart. Where...there was very little selection! All the spots were empty! We wished we had bought the things we had chosen at Sobey's! But we didn't want to drive all the way back to the north side again! 

We had the viewing to attend in Raymond that night, and Ron had said that we would eat afterwards, so it would be like 7:30 or 8:00, and we had had breakfast at 10:00 at Janet's house, so we decided to stop at Burger Baron and get a  poutine to share. Mary also got a full Raymond Burger, and Rosie and I split a Raymond Burger. Really, just the plate of poutine to share (the small one) would have been plenty!

The Friday night viewing was for family only. And it was packed! The Hardy family is not small, and the Navratils and Hancocks are a bunch of people. All of Rita and David's thirteen children and all of their 65 grandchildren were there. I hope they took some pictures! The sons were stoic; the daughters were weepy. While we were waiting in line, little Abigail Hardy, Landon's daughter was walking around with the weepiest eyes ever. She came up to me, and I said, "You look like someone who needs a hug. Do you need a hug?" She started to cry, and nodded, so I gave her a big hug, which was soon joined by her two older sisters, Skai and Ester. After that, whenever our paths crossed, she needed another hug. She was a precious little girl. (About Miriam's age, I would guess.)

When I got to Rita, she said of David, "I don't like to look at him! He looks terrible and not like himself at all." And I told her I didn't like to look at him either--I never like to look at bodies, actually. Other people told me they thought he looked really good, but I did not share that opinion. Helen Garrett was all worried about the bone they cut out of his head, wondering if they put it back or if there was a hole there. 

I did extend Colleen and LeRon's sympathy to Clark Hardy, David's older brother, who they worked with in the temple, and who is now the Alberta Temple President. He did not seem to remember me, though we have a history. (Me, as the mom, asking to have Kelli put into Grade One at the end of the school year when we moved. Him saying no. Her having a boring year in Grade One the next year, kind of poisoning school for her. Me wishing I had been more insistent. Him calling me practically every day in Grade  Four because of Kelli being problematic at school. He is a nice guy; I like him. But a loaded history. So I am kind of glad he looked at me like he had no clue who I was.)

Then home for Deanne's crock pot chicken soup and homemade rolls, and to bed. (Deanne makes rolls when people die. Another friend had died, killed in a car accident, on November 16, so she was making them for that family.)

In the morning, Deanne made us "Frozen waffles." Which meant I was expected frozen waffles from the freezer, but actually, she meant "Frozen" waffles--like the movie "Frozen." I did not think to take a picture of them in all their glory, with whipped cream and strawberries picked fresh from their garden a few days before it snowed and put an end to their garden. Imagine--garden fresh strawberries in ALBERTA in NOVEMBER! (This picture I took the next day, when I thought about how cute the little snowflake waffles were.

Then we were off to the funeral. They had the entire chapel and lounge area saved for family. We didn't go in the viewing line, of course, since we had been there the night before. Lori and Jim had saved a lot of seats, so we took one of their saved rows. Rosie mostly saved the row, while Mary and I roamed around talking to and hugging various cousins we had not seen the night before. Michael Torrie got there, and left his stuff on the bench and went to get in the huge long line to greet Rita and her children. I thought the funeral would need to start late, and it did. It was 11:30 before they closed the door into the back of the hall, and had the family prayer in the chapel. The lateness worked well for Abra, who had to deal with a kitchen emergency at work, so she and Piper were late leaving; and also for Eric and Craig, who were at a youth temple trip in Cardston.

The funeral was wonderful and touching as I thought it would be. David was a good man. Here is the funeral program:

Eric and Craig arrived just at the closing song, which was great. They thought they would get to the church and it would be all over. So we were able to drive to the cemetery together.  They had another short program there, with Dallin Hardy giving a talk on the resurrection, and the 65 children (except the babes in arms) singing "Families can be together forever," which is of course by my friend Vanja Watkins. And Patrick doesn't like that song because he associates it with funerals, so I was glad he was not there to be creeped out by it! Mary made a video--I will see if I can post it. Well, all I can do is post the URL, I guess: https://www.facebook.com/mary.m.phillips/videos/10153915673937212/

We visited for a moment with one of my namesake cousins, Myrna Hancock Clark and her husband Ross. I got the idea Myrna had no clue who I was, despite me being named Myrna, and despite the fact that I taught piano to two of her children for three years, Brad and Tricia. Loved those kids! Sadly, Brad died in an accident a couple of years after our piano lessons.

Isn't Myrna a cute old lady? That is me in twenty years.

We stopped at our parent's graves, but it did not seem that they were there. But it was tidy and had flowers on it. That I think is Duane Navratil's doing. He told me that since their grave is near his son Allen's grave, that he takes care of it from time to time. Thank you, Duane! (Whose name I am not sure how to spell!) Mary took pictures of us there, but I don't have the picture. I am not even sure whose phone was used for that. Not mine. (It was Mary's!)

Rosie, Me, Michael and Craig visiting my parents--well, they were not home. But this is their address.

Then we went back to the church.  I saw my friend from High School, Gary Higa! He did not go to our high school reunion, so I have not seen him for something like 41 years. He reminded me of his dad, Nori, who I worked with at Empress Foods, more than of himself. Gary married Cheryl Edwards, who happens to be our cousin Deanne Hancock's niece. And then they divorced and Gary married our cousin Nola Navratil's best friend, Danna Fromm. Danna died a few years before Nola did, and now Gary is married to a girl named Ester who was Deanne Hancock's visiting teaching partner. No hard feelings at all between Deanne and Gary--another good example of people getting along.  Anyways...Gary took this picture for us, because when we got back to the church, Piper and Abra were there! Hurray!

Eric, Michael, Craig, Rosie, Abra, Piper and Me

We all sat together to eat, and I took some pictures because I wanted to illustrate that our "family dinner" looked like a ward dinner. It took two relief societies to provide the meal, with assistance from a couple of others.

Kayleen Hardy's husband Kendon Evanson is the person whose back you can see in the front left

 Look at the size of the hall. Table space for 400. We filled about 300ish of them--some places were not taken.

Helen Garrett, Alisa Peace, Lavon Leavitt, Dennis Leavitt

Michael, and Keith and Connie Hancock. In the distance you can see Mary (in blue) talking with Holly Bishop Murray and Amy Proctor Halvorsen. Kerry is in blue on the right hand side.

Connie, Ron and Deanne Hancock. I can see Jim Olsen in the distance.

 It became my responsibility to see that Rita could eat. That was a hard job! People kept coming to talk to her and hug her. I would say, just take one bite--felt like feeding a child again--but she wanted to see everyone, but was also very hungry. It is a way of being the center of attention that she did not really want to ever have to experience.

Piper and Rosie with me and Rita

Lori, Mary, Donna, Rita and I: Cousins!

Abra and Piper came back to Deanne's house and Rosie and I visited with them, while Ron took Mary over to Keith's to visit some more with he and Connie, and to visit Lynne Hancock in the nursing home. Then we had to say goodbye to them, and they head to High River. But first, some photos:

Mom and daughter

Three generations

And three generations including cousin Rosie

And we got changed and headed to a hockey game at the Nicholas Sheran arena in Lethbridge. Ron and Deanne's granddaughter Shawni Rodeback is on the Mount Royal University women's hockey team, and they were playing against the University of Lethbridge. Ron was awesome and treated us to the game! It was fun and exciting, and I got to watch the zamboni, which for some reason I like. It was really fast paced and exciting, and in their uniforms, you mostly can't tell if the players are male or female, but I could tell my the audience, because I know the seats would have been PACKED for men's hocky.  Oh well, it worked for us. We were sitting under the heat lamps and it got so warm we all had to take off our coats. 

Home to the Hancock house to sleep, then up in the morning. This time, our breakfast was egg McMuffins, only of course that is copyright protected, so not that. But something like that. Deanne has a breakfast sandwich maker:

Deanne at work using the maker: bottom for muffin, then ham and cheese, then egg, then the top muffin.

We went to Duane and Janet's ward, and it was the children's sacrament meeting presentation. Which is my favorite! And my dear friend Eleanor Johansen was the chorister. I mentioned this to Mary and she said, "Eleanor who?" I said, "Johansen. But she was Eleanor Walker."  "Eleanor Walker!!! She went to school with me!" And indeed, they did go to school together. Eleanor remembered a pink and green taffeta dress that Mary wore, in grade two, to another girl's birthday party, and Eleanor was very jealous of that dress. They reminisced in such detail! Fun to listen. And this is where the picture of me, Mary and Eleanor goes:

 It goes without saying how important Eleanor was to our family when we lived in Raymond. I am so deeply in her debt for the way that she loved and cared for and made welcome my children in her home. Love those Johansens!

Then we went over to Duane and Janet's and Janet brought out all the sandwich and treat making stuff so we could make lunches.

Duane, Janet, Rosie, Tracy Navratil Closson, Mary and Scott

And then we were on the road again! Easiest US side of the border crossing ever--no cars in line before us. No questions. Have a nice day. Great weather until literally when we passed the "Welcome to Utah" sign. Home again, home again, jiggity jog.

Holy cow, blogging is time-consuming! I forgot to tell a couple of things:

1. How Rita found out that her cousin Cal had died: Since he died on the same day that David fell in a way that turned out to be catastrophic, Rita had no idea about what was happening at home in Raymond. So on Sunday morning when David died, the hospital was asking them about what the arrangements would be for David's remains. Rita knew that Christensen-Salmon, the funeral home that has been used in the past for people in our family (including my parents) had gone through a name change, so wanting to get it right, they looked it up on the internet. The first thing they saw when they got to the website was the obituary for Calvin Hancock.  Rita actually snuck into his funeral, and then snuck out again. She didn't want to draw any attention to herself.

2. How Donna found out that her brother-in-law David had died: she had been kept up to date by Kerry calling and texting her. But on Saturday, she and Earl went to a craft show in Cardston to sell his wares as they do (I blogged about that a bit last year) and got home late. They went to bed and got up early and went to church on Sunday. The bishopric member said, "We extend our sympathy to the Hardy family on the passing of their..." and Donna just starting crying.  She expected him to say "We extend our sympathy on the illness their father is going through..." or something. Meanwhile Kerry had rushed over to Donna's church building when she had not been able to reach her, and when Donna came out, Kerry was there to hug and hold her while she cried.

A slew of programs in November

On November 9 was the first of my Fall Concert Series in the library. This was well attended with 54 people.

 This concert turned out really well! Victoria is one of our desk students, and she was sooooo happy to have her piece performed! Patrick thought it was crazy, but then he looked up the meaning of “la follia” and it is craziness, so he was okay with it. I loved “Theme and Variations” by Ken Hicken! He is an Alberta composer—in his eighties now.  “Four personalities” by Alyssa Morris is an awesome piece! Loved it. Janice and Jessi did not love the piece they performed, but I thought it was great—short and sweet! The Larry Green variations were good (I love Kingsford already) and Bird Songs was really interesting. In “The Magpies” he has to sing “and laughed” over and over again, which he did without laughing—something I would not have been able to do! 

I was invited to speak at the Utah Historical Quarterly Special Event on Nov. 10.  I drove up with Janet, who is interested in the music and Mormons connection which three of the speakers would be talking about.

Nancy was wonderful, and helped me to make my slides look really good. Many of the audience members commented on how cool the slides were, and I was happy to give her credit. They would have been very ordinary (if not ugly) without her help. I really liked the audience! They were mostly old people. Even older than old me! 

The next week was super busy with several programs. It was another of my Fall Concert Series on Nov. 16, this one featuring the music of Marvin Gardner and Vanja Watkins. I have worked with them on the project relating to their music for a couple of years now!  Here is the outline for that program:

All these singers were professionals or close to it, so the quality was excellent. My two favorites were Susan Morgan and Logan Bradford. Is that because I already know them so I was pre-conditioned to like what they do? I don’t know—but those were my favorites.

Vanja was over the moon! (Well, so was Marv, but Vanja more so!) Here she is in front of some of our library advertising posters, one of which is for her concert:

Vanja’s daughter Emily took that picture, and she wrote as a caption: "It was so great to see many dear friends and family at the concert today in Provo. My mom was thrilled to see you all, and to hear the beautiful performances! Thank you for making it a great day, and thank you Myrna for putting it together!"

 

The next day (Nov. 17), Vanja wrote to me and said:

This is so wonderful that 162 dear people came for this event.  I am still floating and wish I had the words to describe my feelings.  I wish that the word thanks could be amplified a jillion times as I say it because I feel so thankful to both of you for bringing this sublime concert to pass.  I could never have imagined how beautiful it would be.  Nor could I ever have imagined how much effort it took from both of you to make it happen.  Everything fell into place so perfectly and I thank you for your tireless and successful deeds.

I thought that the high point off this super idea from Myrna was the publication of the songbook, but having the words and music lifted off the pages through beautiful singing yesterday surpassed anything in my dreams.  Myrna, you are phenomenal, kind, patient, creative, humble in the best way, and I will ever be grateful to you for these experiences.  Marv, you are the one who has a way with words, but you would never boast about your own abilities. I could make a list to describe you but it would be so long you would get tired of reading.  Let me just say thanks again to both of you and that I feel greatly blessed to be associated with you.  I know we will continue to be friends as we work together and I look forward to that.

Much love,

Vanja

I got out of the auditorium just a few minutes before 2 pm on Thursday, and went to meet my friend Cyrena Mendoza to drive to Salt Lake where we had a gamelan performance at Kingsbury Hall. Made Lasmawan, his wife Marni, and an old (young) friend Yuni Asnawa had come to perform with us, and so we had an afternoon rehearsal with them before the evening performance.

Made Lasmawan on the steps of Kingsbury Hall

The program was called “World Dance from Lands of Rice and Tea,” and here is the picture that was used on the advertising for the program.

Besides our group, there was a group of BYU Folk Dancers doing the Samaan dance that me, Josie and Nancy have all done before. Theirs was longer and more complicated, but the floor slapping part we did and the wave that we did I thought were cooler, just saying. Still, they had a bunch of dancers—36—three rows of 12. They even did some knee walking to change up their lines, so that was really cool.

Then on November 17, we had our longer program with just Bintang Wahyu at BYU in the Madsen Recital Hall. Here are some pictures.  First of all, the stage set up, courtesy of Michael Hicks who took a bunch of pictures and was kind enough to tag me in them.

It is a tight squeeze for all the instruments in the Madsen, but I think it worked out okay. I was only playing jublag and suling, so I stayed on the same side of the stage all the time.  They were filming—I think there is going to be a documentary made which will show Made (pronounced Mah-day) teaching us.  It was kind of dicey! He changed Puspanjali at 5 pm before our 7:30 performance. Like almost completely! And we just learned our kechak routine at 6 pm.  But it turned out well. This first picture is of Sekartian and I am in the back row, far left, playing jublag. 

Then in Margapati, I am on the far left playing suling. Made’s wife Marni is the dancer for this piece, which is very cool. By which I mean it is a very cool piece.

Here we are in our kechak get-up, ready for our bow at the end of the concert. Can you pick out this old lady in the crowd?

At the end of the concert, Megumi Terry’s mom took a picture of Meg and I with Marni and Yuni, our guest dancers.  I have known Marni for five years, and Yuni for almost eight years. Both lovely, nice ladies as well as exquisite dancers.

Ni Ketut Marni, me, Megumi, Yunirika

Ahaha! One guy (someone I don’t know) commented on Facebook saying “Absolutely beautiful and amazing dresses!") and while that is true—safety pins, people! The Puspanjali dresses (which Yuni is wearing one of in the photo) were totally held together with safety pins. Love these ladies!Safety pins and all! (Here I am giving away the costuming secrets!)