March 20th 1983, I sang at a concert with the Stake Relief Society Chorus. The opening number was a group of eight women singing "The Circle of a Woman's Reach" and I was one of the eight. In the audience:
Auntie Arlene: Kelli, can you see your mom?
Kelli: Yes! She's the one without the glasses.
And there stood eight women, none with glasses on! Of course, since I usually did wear glasses, and had taken them off so the lights wouldn't glare off them, I really looked different to Kelli!
[I loved singing with this group. It was such fun. There was a nursery, and they weren't just babysitting: they had fun activities planned for the children. Kelli and Abbi loved going to it! Sometimes, we practiced during the week, so then only Abbi went with me. Other times, it was on Saturday mornings, so both girls went. I only missed one rehearsal, the day that David was born.]
March 25th, 1983 -- Kelli played the piano for our ward talent show. She played "Man in the Moon" and "The Party". She was completely relaxed and at ease, and did an excellent job. She got a lot of compliments, and so did Bruce and I!
March 26th, 1983-- We really didn't have a very good day today. It has been rather difficult adjusting to having sweet little David around. He has so much trouble sleeping, and our house is so small, that poor Kelli & Abbi seem to always be waking him up. At the end of the day, as Kelli (who had been sick today, too) was going to bed, she said, "I feel like a piece of junk!" I asked her why, and she said, "Because you guys have been treating me like a piece of junk." Mommy and Daddy both felt very sad to hear Kelli say that. The last few weeks have been so hard on all of us. Hopefully it will get better! I realized that, as we prepared the girls for the birth of the baby, we never thought to say how small and fragile he would be. Kelli was certainly looking forward to having a new sibling to play with, and David is just too small! But soon he'll be big enough!
----And then I did not write in the journal again for a month. It was super hard adjusting to having a third child. First of all, it had been my first pregnancy and childbirth, and I had no clue what I was doing. I just thought I would have a baby and bounce back to normal. My girls were busy, with lots of fun things to learn and do, and then...total change. I did NOT bounce back. I did not feel well. And, though I had always had confidence in myself, in my ability to get along well with children--I had never given birth before or dealt with the 24/7 feeding and care of a newborn. And I was really not good at it. Add postpartum hormones, and I was a basket case. I felt like my baby did not like me, because he cried and screamed so much. Eudora Quick and her mother-in-law would take pity on me, and come over and hold David to give me a break and allow me some time with the girls. And they would cuddle him up to their soft shoulders and ample bosoms, and he would stop crying and relax, and then I would take him and he would hit his head on my bony shoulder and the crying would begin again. We had a hard time adjusting to each other, and the whole family felt the stress of it. I had not looked it up yet, so I did not realize that a birth adds almost as much stress as a death to family dynamics. So I thought there was something wrong with me--I felt like suddenly I was a bad, incompetent mother. It was a very hard time.
Auntie Arlene: Kelli, can you see your mom?
Kelli: Yes! She's the one without the glasses.
And there stood eight women, none with glasses on! Of course, since I usually did wear glasses, and had taken them off so the lights wouldn't glare off them, I really looked different to Kelli!
[I loved singing with this group. It was such fun. There was a nursery, and they weren't just babysitting: they had fun activities planned for the children. Kelli and Abbi loved going to it! Sometimes, we practiced during the week, so then only Abbi went with me. Other times, it was on Saturday mornings, so both girls went. I only missed one rehearsal, the day that David was born.]
March 25th, 1983 -- Kelli played the piano for our ward talent show. She played "Man in the Moon" and "The Party". She was completely relaxed and at ease, and did an excellent job. She got a lot of compliments, and so did Bruce and I!
March 26th, 1983-- We really didn't have a very good day today. It has been rather difficult adjusting to having sweet little David around. He has so much trouble sleeping, and our house is so small, that poor Kelli & Abbi seem to always be waking him up. At the end of the day, as Kelli (who had been sick today, too) was going to bed, she said, "I feel like a piece of junk!" I asked her why, and she said, "Because you guys have been treating me like a piece of junk." Mommy and Daddy both felt very sad to hear Kelli say that. The last few weeks have been so hard on all of us. Hopefully it will get better! I realized that, as we prepared the girls for the birth of the baby, we never thought to say how small and fragile he would be. Kelli was certainly looking forward to having a new sibling to play with, and David is just too small! But soon he'll be big enough!
----And then I did not write in the journal again for a month. It was super hard adjusting to having a third child. First of all, it had been my first pregnancy and childbirth, and I had no clue what I was doing. I just thought I would have a baby and bounce back to normal. My girls were busy, with lots of fun things to learn and do, and then...total change. I did NOT bounce back. I did not feel well. And, though I had always had confidence in myself, in my ability to get along well with children--I had never given birth before or dealt with the 24/7 feeding and care of a newborn. And I was really not good at it. Add postpartum hormones, and I was a basket case. I felt like my baby did not like me, because he cried and screamed so much. Eudora Quick and her mother-in-law would take pity on me, and come over and hold David to give me a break and allow me some time with the girls. And they would cuddle him up to their soft shoulders and ample bosoms, and he would stop crying and relax, and then I would take him and he would hit his head on my bony shoulder and the crying would begin again. We had a hard time adjusting to each other, and the whole family felt the stress of it. I had not looked it up yet, so I did not realize that a birth adds almost as much stress as a death to family dynamics. So I thought there was something wrong with me--I felt like suddenly I was a bad, incompetent mother. It was a very hard time.
No comments:
Post a Comment