Well. Last night I was driving home from a wedding reception in Spanish Fork. It was just down the street from Nancy's house, and her daughter Rachel came with me as my "plus one" since her school teacher's son was the groom, Michael. He and his new wife Jessica, and his dad Dirk, have been my friends for a long time, due to our shared participation in gamelan. We had a lovely time, but I was about out of gas, so I stopped to gas up. I pulled out my phone while the tank was filling, and saw that I had missed a call from my cousin Marie, who lives in Ohio. I was so happy to see her name on my phone! So I called her back right then.
But it was not a happy call. It was a sad call. She had received a call from her sister Margaret's daughter Becky, informing her that Margaret only has a few days to live. Margaret had colon cancer in about 1999-2000ish. She was very near death at that point, but received a miracle, and was made well. She got to finish raising her family and enjoying her very happy relationship with her husband, Clarence. My brother Bruce and I had driven to Evanston, Wyoming, where their family lived in 2000, to see Margaret in the hospital. We thought it might be our last opportunity to see her. Ruth, Margaret's older sister, was also there at that time, to be with Margaret in her hour(s) (days? weeks? months?) of need. Fortunately, and blessedly, she lived! Our family went to visit with the Kemps, they came to visit us, we saw each other. Not enough. But at least more.
But Margaret's cancer is back with a vengeance. She has only days to live.
Margaret's daughter Becky had moved to Oklahoma in time to teach school there instead of here in Utah, motivated by her four-year dating relationship with Roger Bullock, who is an electrical engineer working in Oklahoma City. Just recently, Margaret and her son Michael took a trip to Oklahoma to visit, and Roger took advantage of that opportunity to formally ask for Becky's hand in marriage, and to slip the ring on her finger. Margaret had a lot of fun in OK, but just didn't feel up to par. She realized that she has not felt very well for a long time--really, since Clarence died in September 2016. She had put it down to depression and a bout of mono and other things that had been coming and going. But she was so tired, so very tired, that she promised her children that as soon as she got home, she would "get to the bottom" of this.
And this turned out to be cancer, back again, and aggressively so. She needed surgery, so Becky came out from OK, and Margaret had her surgery. Unfortunately, there was so much cancer in various places in her body, that they could not get it all. There was some in her right lung that they could not work on, and the doctor told her very honestly that while he could do more things if she wanted him to, it would maybe buy her a couple of months, but those months would be hell. Margaret is not a fan of hell, so she decided to go home and heal and take whatever time would be given to her.
Unfortunately, her sutures broke open, and she had to be rushed back to the hospital, and honestly, she has missing organs and shut down organs, and organs that should be connected but can't be...and her body is pretty much spent. So the doctor told her she would have a couple of days. The up side to this is that she can have "anything she wants as long as it isn't illegal." So, she doesn't have to suffer in pain waiting for four hours to be up for more pain medication because she can have whatever she wants--she will not have to recover from this illness.
Visiting with Margaret today--honestly, when have I laughed so much and cried so much, on a roller coaster of conflicting emotions? (Not since watching a Bollywood movie, probably.) Margaret and Clarence were a funny couple--literally--and Margaret, even on her deathbed, does not disappoint in the humor department. She was full of banter amidst talk of death and funeral plans. She was following the Kemp family motto--the graver the situation, the greater the jokes. Something like that.
Margaret has missed Clarence terribly, and she is delighted that she will get to see him again so soon. That hope is lifting her spirits tremendously. She loves her children and grandson Andrew, but she is so done with what is going on with her body, and is ready to move on.
While I was there, the RS presidency came, and Margaret was explaining what she wants at her funeral--speakers, the RS to furnish a chorus--and that the meal must immediately follow the funeral. (She did not like the way they did it at Clarence's funeral, so she wants hers to be different.) She discussed the beautiful new white dress that she wants Becky to buy for her to wear ("It doesn't matter if it is too long--I won't be standing up in it!") and whether or not Becky needs to clean the pink nail polish off her toes. And how when Clarence sees her again, he is going to tip her back and give her a great big kiss!
Yes, my visit with Margaret this morning was delightful! Also painful. Both. I may have been sobbing and crying out loud in my car while driving home. I may have a boatload of more tears to shed. Discussing dying of cancer, Margaret said, "Well at least I didn't have a heart attack! A lot of Conrads have heart attacks." And she looked at me meaningfully--we were both thinking of Burt. "My kids wouldn't like that," she continued, "They need to have some notice that I am going." Becky said, "A few days? Thanks for the notice, Mom!"
When Arlene saw this picture, she said that Margaret looks too good to be dying. That is because she made Becky put on her glasses and bring her some lipsticks to choose from. And she took off her oxygen tube, in order to be as "dolled up" as possible. This is the before picture:
She still looks pretty great, honestly! (Well, the oxygen tube was moved, so that helps.) She looks like she should be able to get well and walk out of there, but the state of her internal organs would argue against that happening. You can't tell by looking at the outside of her that the inside of her is still a hot mess.
You know, I do not personally have enough pictures of my cousins when we were young. We just didn't take that many pictures of all of us together, because we only took pictures on OCCASIONS. And we were together all the time, so it never seemed like an OCCASION.
One actual occasion was my Grandma Conrad's 80th birthday. I have written about that before and posted the picture of that event. That was in March 1966. I had just turned 9, so that means Margaret and Arlene were 11 and Marie was 8. We were the Four Musketeers, or as we called ourselves, the Four Seasons. That was our club. Because one of us was born in each season. [oops. Did the math wrong: I turned 8 in Dec. 1965. So in this picture, we are 10, 10, 8 and Marie is two months away from 8.]
What didn't we do together? We rode the bus together, went to church together, played together, rode bikes together, swam together (okay--got in the water together. One of us couldn't swim...) sang together. Our mothers decided who to have for a piano teacher and what day to have lessons, so that we could do that together. We carpooled everywhere together. When we all landed in the same school eventually, we were in musicals together, went to volleyball and basketball games together. These three--they WERE my childhood best friends. Not just my sister and my cousins. They WERE the people I played with every day. Every. Day. I mean, we might have missed a day--but if we didn't see each other, we talked on the radio. Or the phone. Usually the radio. (Phones were for emergencies. Radio for idle chit chat.)
To think of the world without one of us in it. That is a hard thought. More about Margaret later. I need to cry for awhile.
But it was not a happy call. It was a sad call. She had received a call from her sister Margaret's daughter Becky, informing her that Margaret only has a few days to live. Margaret had colon cancer in about 1999-2000ish. She was very near death at that point, but received a miracle, and was made well. She got to finish raising her family and enjoying her very happy relationship with her husband, Clarence. My brother Bruce and I had driven to Evanston, Wyoming, where their family lived in 2000, to see Margaret in the hospital. We thought it might be our last opportunity to see her. Ruth, Margaret's older sister, was also there at that time, to be with Margaret in her hour(s) (days? weeks? months?) of need. Fortunately, and blessedly, she lived! Our family went to visit with the Kemps, they came to visit us, we saw each other. Not enough. But at least more.
But Margaret's cancer is back with a vengeance. She has only days to live.
Margaret's daughter Becky had moved to Oklahoma in time to teach school there instead of here in Utah, motivated by her four-year dating relationship with Roger Bullock, who is an electrical engineer working in Oklahoma City. Just recently, Margaret and her son Michael took a trip to Oklahoma to visit, and Roger took advantage of that opportunity to formally ask for Becky's hand in marriage, and to slip the ring on her finger. Margaret had a lot of fun in OK, but just didn't feel up to par. She realized that she has not felt very well for a long time--really, since Clarence died in September 2016. She had put it down to depression and a bout of mono and other things that had been coming and going. But she was so tired, so very tired, that she promised her children that as soon as she got home, she would "get to the bottom" of this.
And this turned out to be cancer, back again, and aggressively so. She needed surgery, so Becky came out from OK, and Margaret had her surgery. Unfortunately, there was so much cancer in various places in her body, that they could not get it all. There was some in her right lung that they could not work on, and the doctor told her very honestly that while he could do more things if she wanted him to, it would maybe buy her a couple of months, but those months would be hell. Margaret is not a fan of hell, so she decided to go home and heal and take whatever time would be given to her.
Unfortunately, her sutures broke open, and she had to be rushed back to the hospital, and honestly, she has missing organs and shut down organs, and organs that should be connected but can't be...and her body is pretty much spent. So the doctor told her she would have a couple of days. The up side to this is that she can have "anything she wants as long as it isn't illegal." So, she doesn't have to suffer in pain waiting for four hours to be up for more pain medication because she can have whatever she wants--she will not have to recover from this illness.
Visiting with Margaret today--honestly, when have I laughed so much and cried so much, on a roller coaster of conflicting emotions? (Not since watching a Bollywood movie, probably.) Margaret and Clarence were a funny couple--literally--and Margaret, even on her deathbed, does not disappoint in the humor department. She was full of banter amidst talk of death and funeral plans. She was following the Kemp family motto--the graver the situation, the greater the jokes. Something like that.
Margaret has missed Clarence terribly, and she is delighted that she will get to see him again so soon. That hope is lifting her spirits tremendously. She loves her children and grandson Andrew, but she is so done with what is going on with her body, and is ready to move on.
While I was there, the RS presidency came, and Margaret was explaining what she wants at her funeral--speakers, the RS to furnish a chorus--and that the meal must immediately follow the funeral. (She did not like the way they did it at Clarence's funeral, so she wants hers to be different.) She discussed the beautiful new white dress that she wants Becky to buy for her to wear ("It doesn't matter if it is too long--I won't be standing up in it!") and whether or not Becky needs to clean the pink nail polish off her toes. And how when Clarence sees her again, he is going to tip her back and give her a great big kiss!
Yes, my visit with Margaret this morning was delightful! Also painful. Both. I may have been sobbing and crying out loud in my car while driving home. I may have a boatload of more tears to shed. Discussing dying of cancer, Margaret said, "Well at least I didn't have a heart attack! A lot of Conrads have heart attacks." And she looked at me meaningfully--we were both thinking of Burt. "My kids wouldn't like that," she continued, "They need to have some notice that I am going." Becky said, "A few days? Thanks for the notice, Mom!"
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| Margaret and Becky today at McKay Dee Hospital in Ogden |
You know, I do not personally have enough pictures of my cousins when we were young. We just didn't take that many pictures of all of us together, because we only took pictures on OCCASIONS. And we were together all the time, so it never seemed like an OCCASION.
One actual occasion was my Grandma Conrad's 80th birthday. I have written about that before and posted the picture of that event. That was in March 1966. I had just turned 9, so that means Margaret and Arlene were 11 and Marie was 8. We were the Four Musketeers, or as we called ourselves, the Four Seasons. That was our club. Because one of us was born in each season. [oops. Did the math wrong: I turned 8 in Dec. 1965. So in this picture, we are 10, 10, 8 and Marie is two months away from 8.]
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| Autumn, Summer, Winter and Spring |
To think of the world without one of us in it. That is a hard thought. More about Margaret later. I need to cry for awhile.
2 comments:
Thanks, Mom. Writing this was brave, I'm sure. And she does look surprisingly good!
I'm so, so sorry we're losing her. I remember visiting her in WY while she was still going through chemo, but she was still so funny and wonderful. <3 I'm glad you got to visit with her.
What a sweet post. I'm really sorry that the cancer is back. She looks like a fun person and your childhood memories are delightful. Hugs!
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